Experience and thanks to people here

Hi folks, I lurked in this forum for quite a while before making the decision to start (slowly) using modafinil – for background, I’m currently undergoing psychiatric assessment for ADHD but it’s been difficult because I don’t meet a typical criteria and I live in a country where adult ADHD is still very… esoteric? Anyway, that key issue has been executive function. I’ve had a functional and successful career, and self-reported that my mood/emotional states were stable to my doctors, two doctors both said this is a criteria that they rely on for adult ADHD so it makes it more difficult. Energy levels were quite low, attention so bad some days I couldn’t read a full sentence without feeling tired, and other days laser focused. I decided I would trial modafinil to test effects/see if it would shed light on anything. Last two work days I took 100mg in the morning and instead of self reporting, at the end of the second day I solicited feedback from team at work about my behaviour at work/management etc. We have good rapport, so it’s standard for me to ask how I’m going or managing the team to solicit feedback on changes. I’m writing this to you because my data set is a small sample of reporting from other people in an environment where we generally always track these observations. It might interest some folks, or offer a different perspective. team supervisor reported that it’s been like working for two different people, overwhelmingly positive and not sure what brought on changes. apparently I felt that my mood in the past was stable, but the team felt it was always intense/highly strung. Last two days they asked if I was in therapy or if I stopped caring (as a joke), but reported this was the safest and most supported/attended they felt even when they made mistakes or serious issues occurred. mood and attention came up a lot, I don’t know what but something has shifted so my mood is perceived as always optimistic, receptive but stable. I thought that was the case in the past, but apparently it was actually a wild spectrum of either stoic, elated or frantic. productivity through the roof, everyone had the plans and documentation they needed, we made more headway in two days during a potential catastrophic project stoppage than we had the previous month. Team lead reflected she expected a complete meltdown but it was the most pleasant two days at work, and her team is excited for the coming week. team felt rallied and happy, asked for whatever changes happened upstairs to continue and I received adjacent manager DMs letting me know my team leads had messaged them privately to say how positive/supportive things were going. … So I’m not exactly sure what changed with my own behaviour. I’ve always had a huge issue with laser focus and lethargy, and feeling like everything in ‘no brain’ mode was like walking a pack of dogs through a fog – exhausting, confusing and frustrating. I struggle a lot with feeling sad from being non-productive and a mercurial temper I try to mask with emotional labour. But these two days, it was calm, productive and controlled. I didn’t feel like massive difference but felt like I had control of the robot that is my brain. I asked it to finish x, it did x, I asked for us to focus on a task for two hours, at the end of the two hours I stretched my legs and had a quick break. No irritations, anxieties, spikes or lows. Every check-in with staff I could hear them (I have trouble with active listening and attention sometimes). Recall felt better, not like some miracle but just easier to pull up niche technical information or nouns. I also didn’t waste any time, even at home; I didn’t feel like playing games or binging on movies, it felt boring, instead focusing on art/hobbies. Getting to sleep wasn’t difficult at all. Just super consistent, controlled, but that is self-reporting so take it with salt. I know this is all quite skeptical and not to be taken as actual data, but also I wanted to thank a lot of the people here for all the information ranging from vendors to dosages. It’s been difficult medically (and really expensive) trying to address this, and without this forum as a resource I wouldn’t have a key piece in the puzzle. To me personally it felt like my brain was normal, and that meant a lot, even if the effects are placebo or exaggerated by expectations, they gave me insight into better personal behaviours I can work on. At best it gives me critical information to relay to my psych to describe what I felt normality was, and ask how we get there. My work desk is clean, my task list is empty. Read More

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